:: im tired of life ::
at this instance, i really want to run away from my life. i know i cant give up when my religion n prophet s.a.w had given advise of never ever giving up upon every problem that you are facing. im torn inside out, trying so hard to keep myself together. i know what i have to prioritize. what i have to do. i just cant take it anymore. those phone calls and messages weakens me day by day without any chance to get better. at times i had enough. but at the same time, im feeling utterly guilty because i can easily decide to run away from everything when the one who's going thru it is suffering more than me. what can i do more? i dont have the power to change anything cuz if i have, i would have change everything. made everything better. but its beyond my strength, beyond my ability. im just a small, sinful, blind creature in HIS almighty world. how? how am i suppose to go thru evrything with patience n perseverance? when at all times i feel like im unable to cope with this anymore. am i being selfish for feeling this way? am i being a heartless human being for feeling this way towards the one who had sacrifise everything for me, who had forgiven me for all the things i've done. i just dont wanna be in the middle of the crisis, which i have been in for most of my living years. i just want things to change. i want a family like his. where love and harmony are around n nothing worries the mind. is it too much to ask?? im being test to the limit, sometimes more than i can take. i believe its part of the punishment i have to bare for what i have done in my past. but why only me. why not both? god i should not question. im not in the position to question why everything is the way it is. Oh my almighty guide me thru ur path and never let me diverge from it as i had done before. keep me by ur side, light me to the truth and not the opposite.

