someone had asked me, whats my new years resolution for this year. well, i have thought about it even before new year. but nothing really came to my mine other than to finish my first year of mbbs. which has consume most of my time. and will be taking more of it for another 4 years. he had made me think bout this resolution thing suddenly. which originally i dont have any intention in making any. cuz yeah, im living life pretty ok rite now. im thankful for all the things that are happening to me. i might have been unfortunate in many things, but i know there are others who have endured even much worse than me. so im not complaining. besides, the things that i have been trying to change is no longer a new n i think i can keep it going without making it as one. enchik, i'll never tell those ugly things happening to me to u cuz i want us to work out.
but tonite, suddenly i feel like i need to add just one more thing to this so called resolution. and i think i need to do it. enchik, we have been in and out of this feeling for a long time. at times, i feel like giving up but i kept telling myself that its not worth letting go. and you, u always come back at the rite time. and we fall in and out of love just so many times. sometimes we're like the sigmoid graph in maths, keep fluctuating for no reason, then suddenly we dive down. we never really had a constant one. but deep down, strongly, i feel like the feelings we have are more likethe infinity. it never stops.
i dont want us to be publicized. i dont want us to be labelled. i just want us to be US. and for that, we have a lot to adapt since the beginning till now. i dont mind doing all that as long as im doing it WITH you. cuz u always make me feel extraordinary, superhuman. i have a lot to learn, an anger to manage (that i manage to control now) and this tsunami-like-mood-swing that could blew what ever we have away. enchik, i dont want that to happen for there are no words can describe how this thing between us really means to me.
so, i have decided that from now on, im gonna try to stop having this irregular feeling of not believing in us, stop having weird mood swings, and be thankful for having u in my life (which i have been doing since long time ago).
people wont understand us. whats going on between us. and at times, both of us dont really understand what is going on, and why all are so complicated. but i know rite now we are pretty sure of what we feel. thats why i need u to do this with me. we had our times where we both were confused.
*i know you dont really like sloppy slow songs, but this is one of my favourites, which i keep on listening over and over again when i miss u the most. its from chris brown - so cold.
Let her know it's so cold
It's so cold
Here without her(him)
And tell her I miss her(him)
Tell her I need her(him)
Tell her I wanna
I really wanna her(him) to come back home
Back to keep me warm
Tell her(him) I'm sorry
I'm really sorry
Can u forgive me
Please forgive me
And come back home
Keep me safe and warm
one thing i appreciate the most was the nite when u sang for me jay sean's do you remember to. u were singing it spontaneously, but i really feel those words you were singing came from your heart. i know u really meant it. enchik, every time i'm writing a post for u, i cant stop playing the superhuman song in my mind. i like the feeling u made me feel strong and complete when you are with me.
so yeah, from tonite onwards, if u asked me again, what's my new year's resolution. its this few little things that seem simple but means a lot to us. cuz i want you to know that it doesnt matter, what others think, what others might say, i believe in us more. and i want us to work and be as it has always been.
